By Lynn Erhorn
As a life coach, my focus is on the factors that lead to success rather than the the brokenness that perpetuates failure. I assist my clients in setting goals consistent with their God-given destiny, identifying obstacles to achieving those goals, and then equipping them with tools and resources to overcome those obstacles and strive for excellence. Family relationships are at the center of almost everyone’s life, making it a great area of focus and a springboard for greater accomplishments.
Take a few moments and rate your own family in these areas to help you identify areas of strength (and, perhaps weakness). Number a piece of paper from 1 to 8. Use this scale and then calculate your score at the bottom:
5= “We’re doing great!”
4 = “We do well most of the time.”
3 = “We do okay, but there’s room for improvement.”
2 = “We struggle and need to take steps to improve.”
1 = “We most often do poorly in this area.”
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Commitment
Does your family take pride in it’s identity as a unit? Does each member feel confident they can rely on the others to solve problems? Do you plan activities that promote togetherness and enjoyment? Do you have family traditions and routines?
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Affirmation
Do your family members effectively nurture one another by expressing care and affection? Are you sensitive on one another’s needs? Is each member encouraged to be an individual, yet expected to contribute to the common good? Do you tend to avoid “put-downs” and belittling humor?
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Effective Communication and Conflict Management
Are the members of your family good listeners? Is communication between you clear and open with each member encouraged to take responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings and actions? Are you willing to negotiate as problems arise? Do quarrels and angry feelings get openly discussed and resolved in a timely manner? Are you able to join forces to arrive at a solution that is best for everyone, wherever possible?
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Community Connections
Is your family actively involved at school, church, or other local organizations that promote the well-being of the community and family?
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Faith
Are you a family that regularly attends church? Do the parents (or if you’re a couple without children, do each of you) teach and personally model positive values and beliefs in and outside of the home?
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Stability and Flexibility
Are there clear and consistent roles and norms for the members of your family that are not static over time? Does each family member know what is expected of them and what they can expect from one another? Are these expectations age-appropriate and do they change appropriately as each child develops?
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Resilience
Are you, as a family, able to bounce back after adversity, periods of stress, or after a crisis? Do the members of your family feel confident in each other because you have weathered storms effectively together? Are you comfortable reaching out to others in times of need?
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Time Management
Is your family committed to scheduling quality time together to compensate for long working hours or other distractions or obligations that keep the members apart for extended periods of time? Do you consider it a priority to reconnect and share time together after periods of separation or on a regular basis?
HOW TO SCORE
Add the 8 ratings you gave yourself. Now check your total score against this chart:
8-15 – Distressed Family. If your family is not currently receiving help from a counselor or pastor, you may wish to consider reaching out and taking some deliberate steps toward strengthening your family unit. If you’re unsure where to find help, you are welcome to contact us for assistance by using the convenient form on our Contact page.
16-23 – Struggling Family. A score in this range indicates some awareness of your family’s areas of struggle and acknowledgment of the need to improve. This is a great place from which to begin a counseling program or, if you’re already benefiting from counseling, to refresh your commitment to improving current circumstances. Write us with your area of greatest struggle and we’ll make a suggestion on how you can make a quick improvement.
24-31 – Average Family. Your family may be simply moving through daily life without much deliberate effort to build and protect healthy and vibrant relationships with each other, or you may each be too busy to set aside special time for strengthening family bonds. Nothing is particularly wrong, but you don’t see your family as growing in strength and relational health. Life coaching in the area of relationship enhancement may work very well for your family or individual members of your family. Read this page about life coaching for more information and contact us if you like to begin a coaching course.
32-40 – Strong Family. Congratulations! Your score indicates that you make it a priority to strengthen your individual family members and your family as a unity! You are probably active in your church and/or community and you enjoy spending time together, sharing joys as well as sorrow. You cope well with problems and crises and are very likely an encouragement to other families around you.
Adapted from: Andrew J. Weaver, Linda A. Revilla, and Harold G.Koenig, Counseling Families Across the Stages of Life (Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 2002), 31-35.
Read Lynn Erhorn’s bio here.
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