By. Dr. Joyce Shelton
Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6 AMP)
For such a small verse, there is much to consider in Proverbs 22:6 from a parent’s point of view.
The Meaning of Training
“Train up” means to instruct, teach, guide, lead and disciple. It includes a commitment to the long journey of this training. It involves coaching over a period of many years. It incorporates learning about the child’s talents and gifts, discovering what they do best and leading them to accomplishments according to their abilities. It is helping them to reach their goals in education, the knowledge of God, the truth of Bible content, social structures and responsibilities. Training takes time, requires patience and understanding, and is set within boundary lines. Training is not punishment, rather it is walking beside and holding the child’s hand for the entire time they are entrusted with your guidance.
The Substance Of Training
“In the way that he should go.”
Developing a child in the way that God has made him/her is the key to raising the child. Each child was created unique. Their mind set, attitude, behaviors and gestures are developed mostly by what they see, hear or experience. But, that does not mean that this is the way that they are to go. To find a child’s God-given destiny, a parent would be wise in studying their temperament traits, talents, special qualities, and gifts. These are all indications that can help the parent determine the correct, “way to go.”
Dedication
Child training begins with the parents dedicating their child to God as a public declaration that they acknowledge their child was created by God as a gift to them but belongs exclusively to God. The parent will steward the child in responsibility, growth and maturity under God’s authority and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. When grown, the child will be returned to God and the parents are released from training responsibility. From this point, God completes the training process which continues all the days of the adult’s life. Once an adult, each of us is now fully answerable and accountable to God. Therefore, the Word proclaims to us that the adult is to remember the Scriptures taught to him as a child:
But you must keep on believing the things you have been taught…You know how, when you were a small child, you were taught the holy Scriptures; and it is these that make you wise to accept God’s salvation by trusting in Christ Jesus. (2 Timothy 3:14-15 TLB)
Instruction
An essential element of training is instruction, which means to cause the child to learn everything essential in pleasing God. Teaching the principles of God, His character, laws, words, statutes, and truths is the responsibility of the parent. Establishing these in the child day by day and week by week is a process known as discipleship and is an honor bestowed on the parents by God.
Motivation
One of the tasks of discipleship is to create a desire within the child so they are internally motivated rather than externally compelled to do as God calls them to do. This process might be illustrated in the image of the new mother who stimulates the palate of the newborn babe so it will take nourishment. If the child’s temperament is a social one then presenting him with a learning style in a social atmosphere may help the child to develop most naturally. Determining if they learn by sight, sound or touch can be helpful. Also, learning their temperament aspects, which can be accomplished by their participation in a temperament assessment, can greatly assist the parents in choosing methods and environments for the child’s development. Acknowledging that siblings are not all the same, and understanding each child’s gifts and talents equips parents to guide their childrens unique development. In this way, each child can feel secure in their individuality.
Fostering Forgiveness
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Colossians 3:21 and Ephesians 6:4 NKJV)
Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. (AMP)
Provoking your child to anger promotes a discouraged and unforgiving heart. If the heart is unforgiving, it can result in rebellion toward the parents and toward God. A repentant heart is an open, submissive heart but an unforgiving heart is closed and shut off from fellowship. If the child learns unforgiveness because of the pain (s)he has experienced from parental harshness and cruelty (s)he is likely to struggle to trust them or anyone else as an adult. The bad temper and example of imprudent parents often prove a great hindrance to their children and a stumbling-block in the way of healthy development. Most importantly, it could seriously impact their ability to receive the gospel and salvation.
Fathers are to train their children with “warning” (informing them of the consequences of their choices) and “correction” with gentle counsel. A warning sets a caution sign before them to help them make informed choices. Gently correcting them when they have done something wrong should promote a repentant heart. The father’s forgiveness shows them the slate is wiped clean and the sin forgiven and helps them understand God’s forgiveness. The child’s repentance shows they have turned away from the poor choice and turned toward God’s way and will.
The Child Is A Dependent
…If a father dies and leaves an inheritance for his young children, those children are not much better off than slaves until they grow up, even though they actually own everything their father had. (Galatians 4:2 NLT).
Galatians explains that the minor child is a dependent and should be provided with a foundation of God’s rules and principles. The father’s is traditionally the one who releases the child from the home and obligation of submission when he has determined the appropriate time for this transition. The dependence of the child upon the parent and the parents’ careful, loving cultivation of the child’s submission to obedience is God’s perfect design for the benefit of us all. Through this model of earthly parenting, we can clearly see God as a heavenly father and understand what we need to know to choose His path of righteousness.
And that’s the way it was with us before Christ came. We were like children; we were slaves to the basic spiritual principles of this world. But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir. (Galations 4:3-7 NLT)
Children Have One Calling
My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck. (Proverbs 1:8-9 NKJV).
This Scripture explains that the child is called to one thing: obedience to their parents. They are told here that they will prosper by obeying their parents. In the New Testament, God fortifies the Old Testament Proverb above by reminding the child that they are to obey their parents—their major responsibility:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1-3 NKJV).
God talks about the reward of obeying parents in His ways. Think about the turmoil of a life without loving parents, without the help of their wisdom and the support of their advice and experience. It can be a dreary and desolate picture. But with parents who love their children in a healthy and responsible way – and who love the Lord, we have the promise of God for a satisfying life, stable and secure regardless of circumstances. The request of the Lord is to obey and honor your parents as a child, which conditions you to obey and honor God as an adult. In this way we fulfill our God-given destiny.
Read Dr. Shelton’s bio here.
Contact Dr. Shelton at drjoyceshelton@gmail.com
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